If you've got a shit boss how do you survive?
It's all very well 'managing the manager' but what if they're a know-it-all fuck - and incompetent with it - refusing advice and cocking things up?
I've had two shit bosses and both were very very odd.
The first - a male but certainly not a man - we'll call Crapston.
Crapston, bless him, was utterly useless. He had blagged his way into a job assuming it to be a nice little earner, shit-easy and cushy. He was given the title 'Head' (although 'Knob' would have been more appropriate) but was so bone-crushingly backwards that I nearly gnawed my knuckles off through raw exasperation.
What was really un-nerving was that Crapston knew he was shit yet was clever enough to hide it. His own managers never challenged him but then to have done so might have exposed their own failings.
It was a similar sort of story with rubbish boss number two who I think we'll call Shite-Ella.
Boy was this woman rubbish!
Every moment it was if she had something to prove and ended up doing my head in. It was as if I were dealing with someone who insisted the grass was blue and the sky was green. So wrong and on so many levels that I became boss-eyed with befuddlement.
Still, you can learn something from even the most hopeless of managers and even if it's nothing more than vowing to yourself that you will never be a Crap/Ella, some good can come out of it.
So in the interests of public health, let us take a look at some of the habits of the Shit Boss:
(1) It is never their fault.
(2) Yet when things go right they're the first to claim credit.
(3) They're weasels and liars.
(4) They never play straight.
(5) They'll hide their mistakes or put the blame on you.
(6) Their arseholes seize up should you receive some praise.
(7) They're lazy.
(8) They're inappropriate and unprofessional.
(9) They never share guidance yet they'll waste your time giving duff information.
(10) They're usually wrong.
(11) You can't trust anything they say.
(12) They're "forgetful" saying one thing one minute then something else the next.
(13) And finally, if you listen to them, you'll end up as crap as they are.
If you recognise your manager in any of these descriptions then God help you, you could have a shit boss.
If you recognise yourself in that list then boy you are in trouble. And don't think that because nothing's been said that people haven't cottoned on. They have but because of your seniority (likeability even) or simply because of who you are 'in' with, collegues are forced to keep shtum.
These are desperate times and very few people can afford to lose their jobs. So they'll put up and shut-up. But at some point the truth will out.
Therefore here's my advice if you're working for a shit boss or if you yourself are a pile of pants:
Long suffering staff
If you've got a rubbish manager and there's no-one you can turn to and if you can afford to, don't bother with the A-team, just get the hell outta Dodge! If you love your job and there is someone you can trust, talk to them, they might be able to help. Don't shoot yourself in the foot though. Make sure that the person you confide in isn't going to run back and blabbermouth your name.
Piss poor managers
If you're shit then here's what you do to put your team out of their misery - take early retirement and bugger off. Or if this isn't an option ask yourself this - what the hell are you doing (quite literally) in your job? If you can't bear the work then fine but at least allow your team to do theirs. You can do whatever you do when you're at work - go to the pub, wank off in the toilets, poke round on Facebook, whatever - but let the competent members of your team get on with it because believe you me, even though no-one might have told you to your face, you're about as desireable as a shoe full of cold vomit.
