Friday 15 April 2011

Royal Wedding Day(zzzzz)

Fings ain't wot they used to be!

Back in the day when Charles and Di got hitched, we all huddled around the telly for the marriage-thon of the century.

Unthinkable today but the coverage was on all four stations (four! I know - how the blazes did we cope?) and it ignited the nation.

Today? Well, the world's grown up and we've got better things to do and more important things to worry about.

Aside from the suspicion that Will would rather the public simply...went away, the monarchy ain't busting a gut to get us involved. And why should they?  Despite all the talk it's not our wedding!  If it was we'd be there with our tupperware and a bit of foil ready to tea-leaf the delights of the buffet.

Our role is up (or down) there with the rice and confetti. We're to gasp as we gawp as we wave our little flags so that the royals in passing by can dribble magic dust on our heads.

Although in time will be it fair to say that the world is passing them by?

For Wills' and Kate's wedding seems awfully moribund. Sure the glossies are frothing by poring over Kate's clothing, but anything genuine seems as thin as the heir's hair.

Perhaps the problem is William - for it's my theory that if he was a bit more...fanciable, maybe there'd be more interest.

"How did she manage to tame HIM?" we'd cry or "Look at her lucky cah! Look what she's landed and he's richer than God!"

But we're not saying that at all.

OK, so Wills is no heart-throb. Not everyone can have the smouldering heat of a Jeremy Paxman (grrrrwooof!) but taking into account everything the prince has gone through - why is it that at 28 he looks more like 48? And it's not just the hair. Sean Connery, who's probably 108 and as bald as a desk, is still in fine nick. Even the actor Yul Bryner could hold his own and not only is he totally bald but he's also totally dead.

It's my belief that if anything, most rational smart and sussed young Brits think: "Sweet bubby Moses! Not only is she going to have to sleep with him forever, while she watches with dismay as he morphs into Prince Edward, but every Christmas - without fail - it'll be up to Balmoral for the drambuie and corgi pie."

Sheesh!

Oh well. Who cares what we think? We've got our bank holiday so the nobility will thank us to jolly well jog on.

And don't think I'm anti-royal cos I'm not really - rather them than a dictator - but this fawning deference over a "firm" who view the public as plebs and a nuisance is odd.

One question though - what will happen to all the royal mugs? And I'm referring to the clay variety rather than those who bought the tea towels and coins. If anyone knows, mail me.